Once In A Blue Moon I Wish I Was a Duggar

The Duggar Family and I are polar opposites, and yet there are times I wish I was a Duggar. There are times I wish I didn't have to make the hard decisions, or any decisions at all. Choices, and so many choices as a modern person has in life can be a double edged-sword.

Of course it is wonderful to be offered the choices: go to college, trade school, travel the world, etc. Yet sometimes choices can be overwhelming for a young person who has no idea what they want to do. I am currently experiencing that with my youngest, a high school senior. She absolutely has no idea what she wants to do, except have fun in High School. At least she is achieving that goal!

I did grow up in the South and my family was religious, but as Episcopalians, about as different as you can get from the Duggars and still be Christians. Episcopalians have a lot of free passes, we can drink, dance and have fun!

Growing up in the late '70's brought into a teenager's life a new idea of sins. Sex was being sanctified by the media and the media became a huge part of our lives. Drugs were a part of the youth culture and the drinking age was 18.

After the cultural revolution of the '60's, and all the things that backfired on that decade, my strict parents seemed to accept that we went to disco's when we were 17, I guess it was better than hanging in a commune.

A generation later and it is time for me to raise my children and guide them in life. How dare they do anything that we did! It was different in the 70's, and in fact it was. The laws are so much stricter and that is a good thing. Guiding a teenager through life is very difficult. We didn't have cell-phones, Facebook, My-Space, the unknown dangers to my parents.

Sometimes I do think how nice it might be to grow up as a Duggar. If it is the happy family that it seems to be on television, could it be so awful to be blissfully unaware of sex, drugs, rock-n-roll? If they are on the Jesus high, can that be so bad?

I don't think that growing up to be a wife and mom is bad, because that is all I ever wanted, but I have also learned you need a huge BACK UP PLAN! I don't support the plan of this family because anything can happen in life, and the best hand-picked son-in-law may turn out to be gay, crazy, suicidal, crazy or just a tragic victim. Someone has to pick up the pieces and insurance doesn't cover everything.

Let the girls train as nurses, teachers, midwives or any career that is acceptable to their faith. Michelle had been lucky so far, she married in high school and Jim Bob has provided. But with 18 kids, I doubt they can take care of those 18 and/or the grandchildren.

Clearing dishwashers is not a great living.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Wow, you have articulated your thoughts very nicely and very thoughtfully. I agree with you almost completely. The only thing I would have added was that some of their ideals are a little wacky. But, with the spirit of you're comment.....better wacky than miserable and horrible. My only wish for the children is that at least they get to learn about the other side of things.(The real truth, not just their parents version.) Sometimes it may be a little "bad", but I feel that knowledge is power. No matter how scary the knowledge is. Our world is a better place because of all those who think outside "the box".

Anonymous said...

I met this family about 2 years ago, when they only had 16 kids. First off, Michelle is so emotionally abused she has no voice in what happens in the family, Jim Bob tells everyone what to do and when to do it. Boys take after their father and bully the girls and order them around. They are a cult. I spend a day with the family and could not wait until they left. We had to make sure that there were no magazines or newspapers around when they were there, also the radio and TV was to be off. They live in the world that Jim Bob creates for them, they have no choices of what to do nor can they question any decision that he makes. I am waiting for one of them to rebel, at least that will bring out the real Duggar family.

Nancy said...

"....I think it's very sad if a girl has to sit around hoping the guy she likes will ask her father if he can court her. What if the guy she likes never asks??..."
I do believe it works both ways.... if a girl is interested in a courtship with a boy, she tells her mom and asks Mom to discuss it with Dad. Then Dad goes to the parents of the boy (who are probably family friends anyway) and brings up the subject. Actually, I think the idea sometimes starts with both sets of parents anyway. The parents are friends, they'd like to see their kids marry each other, and so the discussions start.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous, you need to post a full-length article as "Once In A Blue
Moon" writer has about your experiences
with the Duggars. May I ask what pretense you had to enter their domain
if you weren't one of their ilk?
I always wondered about Mama Duggar and
how calm she seems. Must be a good act
if she's as emotionally abused as you
have witnessed.
Sometimes when I watch the show, I think
what a nice cocoon-like life it would be to be a Duggar. I wish I could have found a husband who was able to support
myself and whatever children (I could only have two) we'd spawned, and have
carte blanche privileges on endless
pregnancy without hearing, "Knock off
having kids and get a job", just to
be able to be a stay-at-home mom with
no one questioning your behavior or
motives.
Aside from the religious aspects, I
find being a Duggar akin to belonging
to a ever-growing day-care center/youth
camp which you happen to all be related.
Some folks here have queried about what
or how the family would be affected if something tragic happened to either Jim-Bob or Michelle. If Michelle died,
I think Daddy Jim-Bob would break the
world's record for bouncing back from
widower-hood by finding and marrying
the nearest available fertile Christian
female within reach. If Jim-Bob died,
no doubt, TLC and their affiliates
would run a special on "How The Duggars
Manage Without Daddy". Surely Michelle
would be well provided for, what with
all the insurance and investments the
family has amassed.
I, too, think there are indeed problems
with the so-called "courtship" ritual
the Duggars and others similar practice. Yep, Mr. Right could well be
a closeted gay or some other deviate,
so where does that leave Mrs. Naive?
Probably cowed into submission that she
"love her husband" despite his "short-
comings", etc. Then you wind up with
another version of what appears to be
a Michelle Duggar or worse, Andrea
Yates.
If Jim-Bob allows the boys to bully
the girls around, I again ask which
boy Duggars will be pressed into taking
care of the youngest Duggar girls, as
their configuration consists of four
infant Duggar girls and around six or
eight Duggar boys just ahead of them
in order of birth.
Maybe the then-grown Duggar girls
(married or not), will have to take
them on when the mayhem becomes too
much for aging Michelle (who should
damn well be hitting menopause by then)
to handle. Keep us posted, Anonymous!

Anonymous said...

Never in my life have I yearned to live in a cave and be controlled my parents the way the Duggar children do. Frankly, I can't understand why anyone would. I'd rather live a tough life by making my own decisions and sometimes my own mistakes than live in blissfull ignorance.

momof5 said...

I saw last night's epi where they went to the creation museum & was very disturbed by it. Those kids believe that the earth is only 6000years old despite things like carbon dating. Now I question a lot of things relating to religion vs science but they refuse to believe anything but the bible.

I am waiting on the day for one of them to leave home & experience the real world, but if that happened they would probably be shunned.

Life Skills said...

I feel most sorry for the Duggar girls.

I do not believe they have, or ever will have, been offered "options" for their lives, no matter what the parents insist.

It's obvious the parents do not emphasize post-secondary education, be it college, trade school, or whatever.

I agree with the author....DUGGARS GIRLS: Have a backup plan !!!!

Anonymous said...

"It's obvious the parents do not emphasize post-secondary education, be it college, trade school, or whatever."

The Duggars don't even emphasize secondary-level education. What employment could anyone expect with nothing more than Michelle's dining room schooling passing as an education? OK, the girls could be dishwashers and laundry workers; the boys, who knows?

Anonymous said...

I agree that it's disturbing to see the children not encouraged to pursue secondary education. (Although with any "reality" show, you never really get the full picture.) I am a Christian woman, but I wear pants, went to college and grad school, and stay at home with my 3 boys out of a deep desire to educate them myself while they're young (not homeschooling--just being there for the first 5 years, and then it's off to *gulp* public school), and know that I have several options in the working world when I choose to reenter it.

I appreciae the Duggar's faith, and while it seems extreme to many, including sometimes myself, I want to remind especially women that the women's lib movement didn't exist to push all women back into the work force, but to give women the CHOICE. As long as Michelle's life is her choice, (and by their accounts it is), then let her have at it! She mentioned in one of the episodes (Josh's engagement?) that she stood alongside Jim Bob in his many early businesses, getting her real estate license and working with him in the car business. So, she's not completely devoid of an education. I just hope she passes this freedom along to her girls.

I realy think Michelle is smarter than many on this site give her credit for. I agree that it seems that she can be JB's puppet at times, but I think it's just her acting out her interpretation of wifely submission (Biblically mandated, but interpreted very differently across Christian circles!). Her children are well-spoken, even if they do share their parents ideals, and I believe she deserves a lot of credit for that since she homeschooled them.

There will always be people that we can judge or pick apart, but I think that we should also look a little closer and pay attention to the details before we so readily bash the other side. Many accuse the Duggars of being small-minded and not exposing their children to the "outside world," but anyone who bashes them without getting the available facts is doing the same in reverse. Educate yourselves and then speak!

Laura said...

While we did not wear skirts or were forced to keep our hair long, I was raised in a family that loved Bill Gothard, and was moderately male-dominated. Somedays, I DO miss the simplicity of it, but when I think about the complete brokenness it caused to me and my brothers, I NEVER EVER EVER want to go back. Nor is it something to envy! The real world is hard sometimes--it's hard to admit you don't have the answers in black and white and are accountable to yourself for the decisions you make.

I know from experience that a "backup plan" doesn't always work. I really do feel sorry for those girls because I have been close to where they are. It is nothing to wish for in the long run. It is oppressive, abusive, and doesn't work for a lot of people. I remember being lonely and depressed from the time I was 13 to the time I was 23 and said "Screw it!"

Both my brother and I broke away from the fundamentalism of our parents. A non-romanticized, cleaned up for the cameras version of that world is nothing to envy.

Anonymous said...

Occasionally I also wish that I was a Duggar, and then I pinch myself and come back to the real world, and think that as much as I moan about it sometimes, I wouldn't trade my family or my life for anything.