Let's Talk About It

As you can tell if you've been getting comments rejected or read my earlier post, moderating here as been getting more and more frustrating. I'm not sure why things are taking the turn that they are, but it makes it a less pleasant blog for all I believe.

This came in as a comment. As a comment, it was rejected. It's boards on boards, off topic, and all that kind of thing. However, as a discussion topic so that maybe we can help each other find a way to communicate that we may dislike or disagree with something the Duggars do without being jumped on or lectured and conversely we might like or approve of something that they do without be jumped on or lectured, it might be a good idea. Here we go as a trial to discuss discussing the Duggars if you wish.


I hate that the blogging here has such blatant division. There are 3 or 4 bloggers that can't do anything but defend the Duggars. Obviously most posters here like, or are at least intrigued by, the Duggars, so I don't understand why people get so defensive. It has turned into some kind of weird pro-Duggar movement... it's not that we don't respect or like the family, but it is OKAY to question and try to learn. It is OKAY to say that maybe they don't have everything perfect. It's a discussion blog, and I often feel the responses are a bit lecture-y. I just think there are some who feel that they must defend the Duggars every move or statement... people make mistakes, Duggars included. It's such a turn-off to ask a question and get an answer that sounds like its encouraging us all to drink the Kool-aid.

32 comments:

Anonymous said...

Interesting point. I also had several of my posts refused for posting. I wonder what criteria is actually chosen for this site? I did not think my comments were mean, personally directed, or even very 'deep'..... makes me wonder if this post will be rejected. So perhaps I should not waste my time in discussion here.. Maya

luvmybabies said...

"Obviously most posters here like, or are at least intrigued by, the Duggars, so I don't understand why people get so defensive."

I don't think this is the case at all. If anything, it's the other way around. Most of the comments on this blog by far are critical, nitpicky and negative. I admire the Duggars tremendously and I also happen to agree with many of their philosophies, so my instinct is to defend them. I feel they are so wrongly maligned on many points, and as I grow older I realize more and more how wise they truly are. I don't agree with all they do, and I do question some things such as why aren't their kids in college, etc. I'd love to discuss things like this without the "bashing".

I apologize if I have offended anyone by being lecture-y - I know I do that sometimes, as my kids have let me know. :)

I think that as long as posters "Duggar-bash", like many on here do,( not just "questioning"), then the blog will, of necessity, become polarized because then those of us who disagree will feel like "defending" them. There can't be a "pro-Duggar" movement without there being an "anti-Duggar" as a counterpoint.

I for one would like the blog to have less polarizing commentary. It would be nice to be able to question and discuss the Duggars with the assumption of basic respect, as the original poster suggested. But it's obvious many posters don't like or respect the Duggars at all. There's a LOT of other blogs out there dedicated just to Duggar-bashing. I don't think this should be one of them.

jessica said...

I've only posted on here once or twice, but I don't see that this blog is pro-Duggar. The poster says that she feels lectured by three or four bloggers who defend the Duggars. What I've noticed is that for every one blogger who defends the DUggars on say, their girls doing so much housework, there are fifty others who condemn them for the girls doing housework. Same thing can be said for any other hot Duggar issue. If they feel lectured to by the three or four "Duggar defenders", then wouldn't the three or four "Duggar defenders" feel lectured to or jumped on by the many bloggers who are criticizing the Duggars? It has to go both ways, you can't have a double standard on the blog. Both sides have to be free to express their opinions.

Anonymous said...

I rarely comment, but closely follow two blogs on the Duggars, this one obviously being one of them. One of the differences I've noticed between these two blogs is that on this one, folks tend to snipe at each other fairly frequently and on the other blog folks rarely do. Based on what I've observed here compared to the other blog without this problem, the sniping on this blog seems to be due to a handful of people (not all!), who either agree with EVERYTHING the Duggars do or disagree with EVERYTHING the Duggars do. No matter what they will defend the Duggars or no matter what they will bash the Duggars. This is not realistic! EVERYONE can find at least one thing to like about the Duggars and at least one thing to dislike about the Duggars, and they can choose to comment on these things. By always being for or against the Duggars, one gives the impression that they are unwilling to consider another point of view, which I believe is when the sniping comes out. Even if someone is willing to consider another point of view, giving the impression that one isn't can create the same result. Personally, I strongly disagree with several of the choices the Duggars have made in the way they live their lives and as an evangelical Christian myself I feel frustrated at times because the choices the Duggars have made are related to their faith (which I share), and I don't understand how those choices can be in alignment with various Christian principles. This is something that seriously tugs at my heart and can be really difficult for me at times. BUT, while I may focus on the things that I just can't agree with, I recognize that there are many other things that the Duggars are doing right and am willing to admit that.

I think being open to listening to others express their opinions, instead of jumping to defend or bash the Duggars right away, would benefit everyone.

Also, remember to consider when you post that the reader can't read your tone of voice and something that you may view as being expressed simply or plainly, can be interpreted as being expressed defensively or angrily. Sometimes just adding a smiley face at the end of your sentence to let others know you aren't being aggressive in your post can make a world of difference:)

This is just my two cents' worth and I hope it can give some insight that will help relations between bloggers! :)

-Emily

Beedageeda said...

I enjoy reading and participating on this blog and have been disappointed when one or two of my comments has been rejected. I'm just as disappointed that this poster's comments were rejected. He/she said nothing pointedly crass towards any one specific poster, but was just commenting on the nature of our discussion. Was the post rejected because it did not directly relate to the episode that was up for discussion? If so, then how did we end up with so many comments speculating on why the Duggars were at the University?

I realize that the rules are listed, and I just can't figure out why this poster's comments were not welcome in the blog.

Sharla said...

Talking about the blog on the blog is considered boards on boards. Yes, it is off topic for an episode discussion.

We don't have a thread for speculation about future episodes so we allow that within the other episodes. It's a thought that we could have the occasional speculation thread. Commenter suggestions for posts and threads are welcome. This blog tends to be like a step-child to the other one we run so suggestions will be considered.

Points about rejected comments could be not using any caps in the comment, talking about the other commenters (big one), arguing, lecturing, dissertations, etc.

The tone of the comment can get it rejected also. We don't sit around trying to reject comments but some go too far. As I learned on a list I'm on it isn't usually so much what you say as how you say it. Saying the Duggars are all cultish freaks will usually not go through. Saying the Duggars religious beliefs seem very extreme to me will go through.

I hope that helps some.

Sharla said...

I rejected a comment to this post. The Gosselins are not a subject for this blog and neither is a blog about the Gosselins or it's management.

That stance is part of the keeping the arguments down. If anyone has a question about a different blog it should be addressed there.

Katheter said...

I have been lurking on this blog for many months now and have never bothered to post because to me it seems mostly negative, critical and very nit-picky stuff is said about the Duggars. I happen to enjoy watching them and marvel at the fact that they seem to be happy, healthy, fairly well behaved and most importantly are living debt free and not receiving money from the government.

I would like to see comments on the show and maybe what people like or dislike about the Duggars but I find alot of posters are very critical and it seems to me they do this because the Duggars are living a lifestyle that is so different from the mainstream, but that is exactly what makes them so interesting to me.

I would never choose that lifestyle but I admire them for doing it successfully. I don't agree with alot of choices they make in regards to child rearing but again, that is their personal choice.

Thanks for letting me share...Kathy

sarah b said...

I am about as liberal as one can get, and I originally came into the "Duggerverse" as a hater. The more I watch, the more I glance over some of their methods and focus on their intentions. I have even gone so far as to look into UU churches in my area (the very first time I have ever investigated a personal religion). If the Duggars can bring that kind of change in a girl like me, then they must be doing something right. I would love to have more dialogue about what they bring to the table, while still being allowed to despair at some of the more legalistic actions they take.

Last thought - Go Sharla for shutting down the Gosseling-bashing! I have to believe that the Duggars partly do this TV show as a mission statement, like a mass-media outreach program to us heathens. When people use this blog to compare the two families, it smacks of judgment so badly that I feel unwelcome, which is hardly the way to encourage a girl like me to consider any kind of relationship with Jesus. Just my two cents :)

Sherry said...

Kathy.....BINGO!

8 minus Kate said...

To be honest, I didn't know there was a problem. I've seen plenty of criticism and support of the Duggars, both fair and ... more questionable to me. But, we all have different perspectives, and I think we just have to not take it personally, when we disagree about a television show. I generally like the Duggars, and I don't think saying so is a personal attack on other posters. I hope it's not taken that way.

Anonymous said...

Sharla- I haven't noticed a problem at all. A problem I have noticed, though, is posts being rejected or deleted for what seems like no reason at all. It's extremely frustrating and makes me not want to participate in the blog anymore. For example, a couple people were discussing an episode where Michelle talked about locking the bathroom door as a modesty issue. Those posts were later deleted (presumably by you) after being posted. I understand that they didn't have anything to do with the current episode being discussed, but where else are we supposed to discuss these things? I feel that the regulars on this blog know the hot topics, and when something pertinent comes up, they bring it up on the most current post. Where else are we supposed to say it? The Duggars' views on modesty is a constant theme for discussion on this blog, and I'm glad someone noticed that statement about the bathrooms and brought it to our attention for discussion. I'm sad to see that it was deleted. There needs to be somewhere to bring these related topics up, or you should allow us to bring them up on the current discussion, just as you allow speculation about later shows. It's pretty noticeable when the conversation about a particular episode starts to die down, and I really don't see the harm in bringing up other issues that would be interesting and welcome by the participants. Please allow us to do this or provide us with another way. It's frustrating when there's something that really needs to be addressed but it might not relate to the current episode. Thanks

Sharla said...

Please note that I am not the only moderator. I have only vague memories of the bathroom discussion and can't say whether I removed any comments or not. Sometimes comments get removed if comments that aren't approved start getting nasty or overly contentious because it's heading toward an open argument. Unfortunately the readers don't see and know that.

We want the board to remain civil and friendly even when people disagree. If you find the blog unpleasant, I'm sorry but we are not going to go in the direction of letting every comment through just because someone said it.

Sharla said...

Since I just rejected yet another comment for being rude, may I issue the plea to please try to be pleasant to your fellow readers and commentters? Perhaps try to understand rather than just "score" off those you think disagree with your viewpoint. It's that kind of debating approach that can get many a comment kicked. It isn't the kind of atmosphere that we want to encourage.

Renee said...

Whether pro or con Duggar nthe fact remains their are some people who have strong views on the topic.
When one makes a comment which is not in anyway rude or nasty about the Duggars but more of a observation. That poster is attacked in some cases and will not come back to the blog. Actually I do not blame them, after seeing how rude some posters were being to each other on Gosselins without Pity I decided to stop reading the postings. If we can not behave like adults on a blog, I would hate to think what some people are like in person!

Anonymous said...

I have had a number of comments rejected, and didn't believe that they were rude and certainly not directed toward another poster on the blog.

My biggest gripes with the Duggars have to do with their hypocrisy (no TV but making a very good living from showing their family), privacy (the bathroom door or whatever, and then showing the children in their bedrooms, or Jim Bob in a tshirt in bed to the whole world on tv).

I would really like to discuss some of the concerns I have for 20 year old children, without any ambitions, hopes, dreams, OF THEIR own (at least as far as we know).

Most people who question the Duggars aren't saying they are terrible people. I think they are very well intentioned, but also horribly misguided, by putting attention into some areas (no dancing, no outside education), while being pretty contradictory in others.

Would love a more open discussion format too.

frugalchicken said...

I too have noticed how negative the board posts have become and have seriously considered not reading posts anymore. I do feel it has become anti-duggar and don't understand why people would watch a show that they find so distasteful just to post a comment on a blog about them. The duggars are different than the average family, they have good things about them and things that are not as desirable-but for the most part they are raising a large group of well mannered hard working children-which I can say is a pleasant change from other tv families.

Anonymous said...

I think for me personally one of the concerns that I have when reading this blog is that TLC seems to be controlling what people know about the Duggars and their beliefs to a large extent. It's pretty clear that reality TV is not very real. Just because the Duggars say something does not make it the whole truth. Just because TLC edits a scene a particular way does not mean that everything is shown and there is nothing left to discuss. I have read a lot about their beliefs including their own book, the books they have recommended, as well as criticisms of their ideas and there is a lot more to the story. When these are brought up, sometimes it is portrayed as attacking the Duggars when really I think it's much more about attacking the ideology that drives some of their beliefs and noticing the contradictions inherent in some of these views. I personally find their views on sexuality, birth control, and women to be frightening and if they were mainstream beliefs, the status of women in this country would be in serious jeopardy. I don't see the Duggars as just some nice religious family that happens to be on TV, but as a family with a particular agenda. An agenda that I don't agree with and greatly concerns me. I do think that the Duggars genuinely believe what they say and try to live their lives in what they are convinced is the best possible way. That doesn't mean that it's harmless though.

nccalgal said...

Sharla and the other moderators, I would like to say thank you for keeping this site up and running and for all the time you have invested in providing a forum to discuss "all things Duggar". I do think having a thread for off-topic subjects is a good idea so the postings under the episodes stay more focused on the reactions to the episode instead of spinning off on other tangents. Keep up the good work!

Anonymous said...

I agree with Katheter who said the blog seems nitpicky and critical. So, so many posters on here trash-talk the Duggars all the time, with an occasional person defending them here and there.

I would love for this to be a blog where everyone can question and discuss the Duggars without the extreme rudeness so many posters use. A lot of the posters seem like they'd be happier on a blog entirely devoted to mocking and tearing them apart. I'm sure blogs like that are out there. I think that's why there is sniping on this blog. Some of these blatant anti-Duggar bloggers are stirring up the pot.

I really like the Duggars, even though I disagree with a lot of their beliefs and practices and find them weird quite often. But there's no question they are nice people and should be treated with respect. If the posters on here won't operate with a little basic respect they should contribute to an anti-Duggar blog instead.

Sharla said...

After I shut down the computer last night it came to me that many readers have joined since we started this blog. You many not know that the mods are all volunteers and most have real jobs. (I retired this year.) We all have lives outside the blogs that are just a hobby for us. We receive no pay or other remuneration for doing the blogs.

Another Viewpoint said...

There are 2 or 3 posters who seem to phrase their contributions with quotes about the bible or their beliefs in Jesus/God and how if "we" truly follow "him" then we wouldn't do x-y-z etc etc etc.

It comes across as a lecture because the contributors don't want to acknowledge that some people are athiests with no point of reference from the bible, Jesus, etc.

Just because someone doesn't believe in God doesn't make them a terrible person, which is how some of the Duggars-can-do-no-wrong contributors come across.

Just sayin'.

Sharla said...

I'll add that some of the rejected comments have been sermonettes. Also if you are providing a link to something and we've already put two or three comments with the link, we'll start rejecting. If the comment is nothing new, but a restatement of something already said multiple times, it gets boring and not needing to get posted.

Willow #1 said...

Sharla: I want to add my appreciation for the Duggar blog. I have been around pretty much from the beginning. I think the free discussion idea is a good one. I really enjoy the Duggars but also do mention when there is something I question or disagree with. That is what I like about this blog, as long as bloggers are respectful, as most of you have stated. I think you are doing a great job. Thanks to you mods and the Duggar posters for keeping us going!! I think there are interesting things to learn from the Duggars, both pro and con.

roddma said...

I can be on both sides of the fence here. Some things I like about the Duggars and many things I dont. I agree we are criticizing their extreme beliefs more than the family or numeber itself.I do find refering to certain body parts ( clown car etc) is unnecessary when talking about them. If we cant criticize the Duggars maybe we shouldnt talk negative about the other families on TV. Families who dont like bashing should get off TV. It isnt the negatvie posters only who need to watch their tone and we dont need sermons.

Anonymous said...

Here's my opinion on this subject.

I love the Duggars. I think they are wonderful people overall. However, I like to get on this site after the show and talk about the things that they say/do that I disagree with. I am not anti-Duggar, nor am I a Duggar-hater. I just like to discuss the ways I disagree with them, and I don't like being "lectured" for disagreeing with them. But I do NOT mind hearing an opposing view. There is a difference.

It takes all kinds of opinions to make this sort of site interesting. If it was purely positive comments, it wouldn't be that much fun to read or participate. If it was purely negative comments, It would also not be fun to read. I think there should be a balance instead of defensiveness.

Im_in_PR said...

I for one would like the blog to have less polarizing commentary.

But then you'd have to call it Duggars WITH Pity....

Im_in_PR said...

I have even gone so far as to look into UU churches in my area

What's that?

Anonymous said...

My problem is that some people think that if because the Duggars are Christians, they can do no wrong. It's like their faith gives them a "pass" on things that would be outrageous or maligned terribly if they were from another group or family of a different faith, or worse yet...no faith.

Personally, I really don't think that faith alone should supercede common sense and reality, and this family seems to believe it does. Those that support the Duggars completely seem to do so out of the same blind faith, and look down on those of us who might not share their religious views or way of life.

Anonymous said...

People take this too seriously..I mean come on...it's a BLOG!

Sharla said...

A comment came through quoting an erroneous internet rumor of how much the Gosselins were paid. I'm not going to let things like that through to keep fueling the rumors.

it is Wednesday by now me thinks said...

Thank-you to mods that spend their personal time keeping these blogs respectful, fair, and balanced. I've had more than 1 comment rejected and don't take it personally at all. To me it is an indication that I need to abide more closely to the general guidelines that are predetermined by the moderators. Emotions running high on subjects that we all hold dear are likely to happen.

I consider this a very well moderated board representing all viewpoints. As you'll notice, there isn't any advertising or pop-ups. Very often people that are compensated monetarily do not represent the truth for a variety of , ummmmmm, (sorry I almost choked) reasons.